I am sorry for always bursting your bubbles. Every time something sweet as sugar happens between you and B, you never fail to give me an idea of how it feels to be in Cloud 9, giving me every detail of how his simple words could weigh so much in your heart; words that has so much power to make you land in oblivion every time. Please don’t think of me as your wet blanket that enjoys making you feel so frustrated every time you open up your “B emotions” to me. Believe me, I even want to hate myself for doing that to you. But you gotta understand…
You are a very sweet person. You can act like a child but you know how to be matured when the need arises. You’re a hopeless romantic and that is your weakness. I understand you, please believe that. You are in love. You’ve been in love with B for a decade now. You were in love with him before you marry the guy whom you thought was perfect. Years passed, so many things had happened and you have forgotten about B…but it was just short-lived. You realize now that you still love him. What’s worst, that love is being reciprocated. I’m saying worst because you are very much married now.
You wanted to just forget about him but you find it hard to do that. But how could you even forget the guy if you keep on communicating with him? If you wanna let go and spare yourself from getting hurt, you have to LET GO. You are the only one who has the power to unbind yourself from B’s lair. I know it’s VERY hard but you just have to bear in mind that considering your situation, there is no other way but to move backward. It’s not that I don’t understand you, it’s just that I want you to get rid of this dilemma once and for all. It’s been hunting you for many years now, don’t you think it’s time for you to stop?
Are you wondering why you can’t let go? It’s because you are still open to the possibility of being with B in the end. Of course you can be with him if you really love each other but first thing’s first, you have got to fix your problems with your hubby. And when the time comes (if it is really destined to come your way) that you are free from your hubby, then that’s the only time that you can meet B halfway. But dammit, you’re very much married now. Please help yourself not to go beyond. It’s not doing you any good because you always end up hurt and crying. Have pity on your heart.
I love you, okay? I just don’t want you to get hurt all the time. Yes, you love B but sometimes love isn’t just enough. Please think about it. I love you. I really, really love you and I want you to be happy someday. Please do realize that there are still a lot of things that could make you happy. Don’t limit your happiness to B.
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I feel so useless and uncared for. It seems everything around me has no meaning at all. Again, I’m back to asking myself why am I here in the first place. What’s my purpose in life? And instead of floating around like what lost souls are doing, why am I still roaming around this despicable universe feeling so worthless? What good is one’s life if one’s life is of no use?